Monday, May 23, 2011

Reflections on emotions

I have reread my blog.  I realize that I did not record a lot of the emotional side of what I went through.  Now I have a close family member who has been diagnosed with Stage III Mantle Cell Lymphoma just last week.  He is going through a lot of the emotions.  I have been helping to be his advocate for the best care that can be found.
I first learned that I had cancer on a Tuesday when I was getting processed through a very routine CT scan for an unrelated issue. BAMM! by Wednesday I was driving home wondering if I had days or weeks to live!! My whole world had caved in.  As the days went by I dealt with my emotions by becoming completely immersed in internet research on the topic. Fortunately, within a week or two, I learned that I was stage II lymphoma with two major clusters in my abdomen.  Emotionally I thought FINE maybe I'll live six months to a year.  I little more time to plan, but my life was still closing in.  I started looking around me and was VERY thankful being a partner with the best woman I've ever known and having a wonderful, supportive family. We are JUST financially OK to  not get terribly panicked about the future.  I started thinking about how I might spend my last year on earth.  By the time had had my actual diagnosis three months down the road, I was LUCKY enough to find that my NLPHL lymphoma could actually be treated for a complete remission!!  Yahoo!!! bring on the treatment.  Now, after a year in remission, I still kinda think that the cancer cells can take hold again and that I may eventually die of this nasty disease.  BUT, I could also die from a piano falling from an airplane.  My experience has left me for the better, bound to enjoy and savor what life I have.

If you work hard to learn everything you can and push for the best, soonest treatment that you can, then you can quickly get to the emotional point where you can feel that you are being treated by the best people and that there is a LOT of possibilities for living a quality life.